Week 34: Getting My Act Together

As I said last week, I have fallen off the wagon of my program. This week I’m feeling pretty ashamed of myself, and while I’m still in a dark hole of laziness and ice cream, I am ready to climb out and get my act together.

What confuses me about the last five weeks is the scale. Why haven’t I gained any weight? After I went on my medication back in mid-July, I saw a two pound gain immediately, but since then, the scale hasn’t budged. While I am grateful for small blessings, I am really confused. I don’t understand how I don’t lift a finger to exercise, eat crap, drink wine and beer, yet still maintain my weight. Then there are the weeks that have passed where I was killing myself everyday to work out, and counting calories, with the same result. It is a deflating feeling.

I was talking with my dietitian BFF and although she found this to be a conundrum as well, she said since I was working out so much up to this “break,” I probably boosted my metabolism to deter weight gain. Also, maybe the drugs I was on had some effect. Those were her theories anyway. It’s just one of those mysteries. At least I haven’t lost weight, that would really piss me off.

Either way, I have to stop living in this fantasy world where I think I can eat, drink and be lazy and continue to maintain my weight. The honeymoon is over, and I need to get back to business.  At this point, I am still 18 pounds away from my goal and I am going try my hardest to reach that goal before the year is over. And even if I don’t reach it, I want to end the year knowing I did everything I could. Because right now, I am feeling pretty crappy.

That being said, I am restarting the Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred, starting on Sunday. Since I have taken almost 6 weeks off from completing it on July 17th, I believe I completely reversed any progress I made from that program last time. Plus, I know I can do it, and that gives me comfort during this time when I need to set attainable goals. I’m also going to sign up for a 5K in October. Completing races gives me such a huge sense of satisfaction, and I need that right now. The weather in the fall season is going to be so nice for running, and I want to make the most of it before I’m stuck inside again all winter. Going to try running today, that’s going to hurt! The calorie counting is also resuming, effective immediately.

I know this is going to make me feel so much better. I don’t know why I let myself so easily slip into these bad patterns.

The plan is in place, time to get it together.

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Week 32 & 33: Goodbye Wagon..

Well, I admit it, I have fallen off the wagon. It has taken off without me and I’m watching it drive down the road. It’s been a rough month, but that is no excuse. I got some bad news last week, but I really don’t want to get into details about it. It doesn’t matter what it was anyway. I’ve been depressed, and I’ve been using it as an excuse to skip my workouts and indulge in anything I want. That’s the real problem. I shouldn’t be rewarding myself with bad habits. That’s not going to solve anything, and it’s just going to make me feel a lot worse in the long run.

I want to say that I’m going to stop acting this way and get back to my healthy lifestyle today, but I know that isn’t going to happen yet. I need to either hit rock bottom, or find some basic structure that will slowly ease myself back into my routine. I also need to find a new way to deal with bad news, frustration, and feeling sad and depressed. I can’t let bad news do this to me. People get bad news, life doesn’t always go the way you want it to go, but that’s life and I need to figure out how to deal with it in a way that isn’t detrimental to my health.

Originally last week I was going to start my Power 90 Max Series workout DVDs. Those are 45 minutes to an hour, at least, six days a week. Honestly, I’m not sure because I haven’t opened them yet. Since I’m not doing squat right now, and I haven’t worked out in over a month, the idea of doing that everyday just doesn’t seem realistic. I need some smaller, attainable goals. I don’t know what, I just know I shouldn’t set myself up for failure with some big workout program that I won’t be able to maintain.

The good news is that I haven’t really gained any weight – yet. In some ways I think that is feeding my laziness. If I saw a jump in the scale then maybe I’d get my act together. But the scale doesn’t really matter, I feel worse overall despite the fact I haven’t packed on any pounds. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I feel extra flabby in just a month.

I don’t know what to do, but I wanted to write an update since I haven’t in over a week. Maybe by next week I will be out of this funk. I’m not giving up, that much I know for sure.

Maybe it’s possible to flag down that wagon and get back on before I get to Fat City. Stay tuned.

Week 31: Back to Formula

Things are getting better, I am off the medication now, and got through it with only gaining two pounds. I can live with that, but the impact of not exercising for almost three weeks now is taking a toll. I am suppose to give it one more week, but I am feeling fine and I think I am ready to start a new routine. After much thought, I decided to try a program that was given to me as a gift probably ten years ago, but I never opened – the Power 90 Master Series. I will miss Jillian Michaels, but Tony Horton is like an old friend, and I am hoping he can help me past this plateau I seem to be fighting the last couple of months.

The Power 90 Master Series is another six-day a week program, so I once again won’t have a lot of extra time for running. I will try to run once or twice a week on top of the program, just to keep myself ready for any races I may want to do before winter. The Power 90 Master Series is a twelve week program, and the first month is very similar to the regular Power 90 program, with cardio/abs for 3 days a week, and a Strength workout the other three days. After 4 weeks, you mix in some specific workouts.

I only have ten more weeks until I hit 40 weeks! I will not make my goal. My goal was to lose 40 pounds in 40 weeks, and as today I have 18 more pounds to lose. Eighteen pounds in less than ten weeks? No way! I’m 8 pounds behind now, and there’s no way to catch up unless I do something crazy, like a crash diet of some sort, which I refuse to do. I admit I am tempted to do something like that just to push past this plateau and reach the 25 pound loss milestone. I’ve been so close for weeks now and it’s driving me crazy. For now, I’m just trying to focus on reaching that milestone instead of the extra 15 pounds on top of that goal. Losing 3- 4 pounds seems a lot more doable right now, and I know I can do it without starving myself or just eating grapefruits, or something equally insane. I give props to anyone that can do that and has figured out a way to maintain their weight after the fact, but I’m just not one of those people.

At the end of the day, I know that 40 weeks was just an arbitrary number. It’s good to have goals, but it’s not like I planned to stop being healthy at 40 weeks. So, with ten weeks left, I am going to be realistic and shoot for another ten pounds by that date (October 11th), and attempt to lose the final eight pounds before the new year.  How great would I feel to have made my goal before starting 2016? Words cannot describe how much I want that to happen, and it’s a very motivating goal.

It’s been a rough few weeks, but I am ready to get back to formula. This weekend we are heading to Cape Cod for my husband’s birthday, and to relax after a stressful time. My goal is focus on recharging, enjoying the last of my “taking it easy” orders from the doctor, and getting ready to start fresh on Monday.