Week 39: Fueled by Aggravation

Last week I mentioned I was in a fighting mood to go to battle with my scale, and this week I’m out for blood. It had the nerve to tell me that I gained a pound!

Seriously, I have been killing myself doing these Insanity workouts. I was so sick this past Friday that I couldn’t work, that but I still managed to get in my six Insanity workouts for the week. I feel like I’m going to be the only person on Earth that will gain weight doing Insanity.

I did my second Fit Test on Sunday. I’m suppose to do it every 2 weeks and see how I improve as part of the program. You do a series of eight exercises and do as many as you can. I improved from my initial test, except in one exercise (Switch Kicks), but I think I might have counted wrong on that move the first time around, so I am not going to dwell on it.

I’m so aggravated and frustrated, but I refuse to give up. I’m so close to doing some crazy diet plan, but I really don’t want to go there. I know an eating plan such as the Six Week Body Makeover, which I have done in the past, will result in weight loss, but it’s not sustainable. At least it isn’t for me. Still, I keep looking at my numbers from week to week and thinking I need to do something different to boost my metabolism. This clearly isn’t working. Since I’m working out consistently, and working pretty darn hard too, then the problem must be with my diet.

I don’t eat unhealthy, as I’ve said in the past, but maybe it’s the foods I’m eating. I don’t overeat, so it has to be the actual foods,  right? Maybe I’m not eating enough – I just don’t know.

The scale just stopped showing me any results, and it’s been the same way for awhile. I see a one pound loss this week, a gain the next week, 2 pounds down, 2 pounds up..the fact is I’m not losing weight. I’ve been hovering around this same weight since May. My consistent losses just stopped after I lost twenty pounds. On the bright side, I have successfully been able to maintain my weight, but I still need to lose another 20 pounds (at least!). I’m not trying to be some super skinny minny either. When I got married, I was 40 pounds less than I am right now. I’m not shooting for my ultra slim twenty-something self, I just want to be a normal and sustainable weight.

Perhaps next week I will try the Six Week Body Makeover. It’s a difficult plan, you have to eat 5-6 times a day, and the foods are very limiting. Absolutely nothing processed is allowed, not even salad dressing or olive oil. Basically no salt at all, aside from salt that is in food naturally. You need to be really prepared in advance for eating on this plan, and prep your meals way ahead of time. And I find  it’s hard to find creative meals you actually want to eat that are flavorful. When I did this plan once before, and I look back at myself as a crazy person. I carried steak and chicken in my purse during the day so I wouldn’t skip a snack, and I’d be up on Sunday morning making these mock pancakes, but trust me, they weren’t pancakes – just plain oatmeal, egg whites, and frozen blueberries. Yuck.

I don’t want to do it, but I’m starting to see no alternative. Simply counting calories and exercise isn’t working anymore. Let’s see – if I started it on Sunday, then six weeks would end on November 14th. I’m not sure I’d go whole hog with the program, I want to actually have a life. As I look at the calendar right now, I see we have something going on every weekend for the next six weeks – we are throwing a party the first weekend, the following weekend is a dinner with friends, the weekend after that we were going to be away in Cape Cod, and then Halloween the weekend after that. All these temptations before the holidays even hit – it’s always something.

I’m just rambling. I’m lost and confused, and not really sure what path to take next. Maybe I’ll switch up my eating plan, maybe I won’t. For now, I’m just going to try to get through this week. Eating clean and continuing with my Insanity program. Who knows, maybe something will change. Right now, I’m just running on fumes from aggravation.


Week 38: Fighting Mood

I’m in this to win it. I decided the other day that getting in shape is going to be my new hobby. Simply because I’m angry and I’m in the mood to fight my body. I finished my first week of the Insanity program on Friday, and at my weigh-in this weekend, what did I lose? One minuscule, sad little pound. I was dying all week getting through those well-named ‘insane’ workouts, I didn’t eat or drink anything fun, and then one pound. While I’m happy that the scale moved at all, I was definitely expecting more.

I’m a week and a half into Insanity now, and it’s really tough. On some level, I don’t think it’s the best workout for me at this stage because I can barely keep up with the exercises. If I’m taking constant breaks, then I feel as if I’m not getting much out of it. If I’m going to workout for 40-60 minutes a day, then I want to get the most out of that time. But, I know I’m doing something, I’ve never sweat this much in my life, and I need something that is going to push me to be better. You take a “Fit Test” at the beginning of the program and track how many of certain exercises you can do, and you take this test every two weeks. I will be taking my second Fit Test this weekend, and I can’t wait to see if I have improved.

I do feel better overall since starting Insanity, in just this short period of time. My core area feels tighter, even though it’s still covered in flab! I’m walking up the stairs in my house without any pain this week, so that’s something. Despite the fact I can’t keep up with the exercises, I am just going to continue to do what I can and try to keep moving the entire time, even if it’s at a snail’s pace at some points.

It’s also the first workout I’ve ever done that I want to practice certain exercises outside of my regular workout times in order to improve. For example, they do several circuits that involve full blown push-ups, and they do them extremely quick as part of a series of different moves. I can do a few push-ups (and I mean a few – like 3 total..) but admittedly I usually do the girly push-ups on my knees. The way they do the push-ups in Insanity, it’s difficult to substitute with the girly ones. It causes me to be way behind, and I can’t easily transition to the other moves before and after the push-ups. Basically, I need to be able to do the full push-ups. This has me wanting to practice my push-ups on my “off hours.” I guess any workout that has me wanting to work out more can’t be a bad thing.

For now, I’m trying to think of the rest of the weight I want to lose in short term goals. I know my end goal has me losing another 19 pounds, but for right now I’m just focusing on the next five. I have another three weeks before my 40 weeks is up, and although I know it’s impossible to reach my original 40-pounds-in-40-weeks goal, I would like to lose another five pounds. If I do that, I’ll have reached a milestone. I’ll be at the weight I was before we moved back to New England from Florida (2.5 years ago), which was before a stressful time in my life. If I can lose that five pounds, it will feel mentally as if a much larger weight has lifted. After that, it will be another milestone to reach, but for now that’s where I’m going to focus. Five pounds in three weeks? We will see, but as I said I’m in a fighting mood!

And I need to keep fighting, this fat layer on my body is not going to win. I have a closet full of clothes that need me, and I won’t give up on them!

Week 36 & 37: Insane in the Membrane

I’m going crazy. My body is frustrating me. The scale seems to be stuck in one place and I can’t get it to budge. My head has been back in the program the last few weeks, and nothing seems to be happening.

I’m not looking for much, slow movement is fine. Some movement, anything would suffice. But I get nada-zip-zlich when I step on that darn thing.

As I mentioned last time, I went back to doing Jillian’s 30 Day Shred and I made it through the first level  (10 days) without any weight loss, so I’ve decided to take it up not just a notch, but a few notches. Bye-bye Jillian.

Enter Insanity! I bought the Insanity workout program a few years back and I tried it briefly when I was really out of shape. I made it through the fourth day and quit. Well, I have the box of discs back out again. I’ve been terrified to try it again, and have been waiting to feel “ready” to handle it. I definitely do not feel ready, but I’m getting desperate.

As of today, I’m on Day 4. I haven’t done the workout today yet, so technically I haven’t made it past the point where I quit last time. I already know that isn’t going to happen this time. It’s really tough, and by far I cannot keep up with the workouts, but I’m just going to do it anyway. If I was able to do the workouts along with them from the start, I wouldn’t need this program! I’ll just do my best and work my way up.

But really, this program is named appropriately, it’s insane. They go so fast that it boggles my mind. I’m sweating so profusely by the end of the so-called “warm-up” that I was considering putting towels down over the carpet in my living room. It’s also the only workout video where I’ve seen the trainer tell a few of the people doing it alongside him to take a break in the middle of the circuits. If they can’t keep up, what chance do I have?

This program has you doing a different workout every day of the week, and I like that. Keeps it interesting at least. After the first workout DVD,  I felt the same way I used to feel after I did a long distance run – dead tired! I could barely function or keep my eyes open. It was a little deflating because I didn’t think I should feel that exhausted, especially since I barely kept up with the workout. Luckily, I felt better after the next workout. It probably just shocked my system that first time.

I hope this is the kick in the pants I need to make that stubborn scale move in a positive direction. I’m watching my calories on top of this, so I’m not sure what else I can do. It’s up to the scale now. The next step would be to start restricting myself to certain foods, but I really hope I don’t have to go there. I eat healthy, and I like my “everything in balance” way of thinking when it comes to food. Deprivation has not worked for me in the past.

The Insanity trainer, Shaun T., says you need to ‘dig deeper’ to get results. I have my shovel, I am so ready to start digging!

I wonder what I will find in there.

Week 35: Misery Loves Company

Ouch. Let me tell you something. If you’re going to work out consistently for 7 months and then foolishly take a 6 week hiatus from any exercise, expect a world of hurt when you get back into the routine. I’ve been sore from working out before, but nothing like this. I feel like I’m 100 years old. Everything hurts.

I suppose I deserve this agony. I’m still disappointed from allowing myself to get so deep into the lazy hole, but I know I can repair the damage and that feels pretty good. At my official Sunday weigh-in, I had gained two pounds and that was enough of a wake up call for me. I deserved that too. I own these past six weeks. I know I can’t change the past. All I can do is focus on today and the future.

The happy dance for me this week is that my husband seems to be ready to climb aboard with the losing weight and getting healthy lifestyle. We are sore and feeling old together right now.  He has always struggled with his weight. He was the closest to a normal weight when we got married, and he has yo-yo dieted with me in the past plenty of times. Right now, he has a lot more to lose than I do, around 60-80 pounds, and I constantly worry about his health.

I’ve learned over time that I can’t make him lose weight, that just doesn’t work. Been there, done that. He needs to make the decision on his own, and recently he’s been pretty unhappy with the way he looks in photos and the fit of his clothes. He knows he needs to make a change.

It’s good that we are finally in this together, but it can also be dangerous. In the past, we have enabled each other. If one of us wants to cheat on some tasty treat or skip exercise, we tend to bring the other one down. I have high hopes that things might go better this time since I’ve been on my program solo this year, exercising on my own, calorie counting, and being healthier. I learned to stop my dependency on us doing everything together. I wanted him to join me in this commitment to health, but you can’t force these things, and one day I realized that I needed to do this for myself. His choices are his own, and my choices are mine. We can be in it together but ultimately we make our own decisions.  It’s my number on the scale, my ass in my pants, and I am the only one with the control to change these things.

I am thrilled that he is finally with me on this journey, and I’m hoping we can find success together. He’s been traveling for the last decade but now has an office job close to home with regular hours, so the stars are finally aligned to create a normal routine.  His big issue is portion control and lack of exercise. I think calorie counting for him will go a long way, if he’s willing to adopt that practice. He has in the past, and it worked well, so I hope he will give it another try. I am more than happy to help him in any way I can and offer guidance and suggestions, but I’m not going to be the diet police in our house.  Nor do I feel qualified to do so, I am hardly the poster child for success.

We are both kinda shocked by how sore we are this week. It’s bad. I restarted my Jillian Michaels Shred, and he has been using our exercise bike, and we both did several hours of yard work on Sunday. Maybe it was the combination of the yard work and getting back to exercise, but I can barely move. My arms, legs, thighs, and today my knee – it’s all so painful. When I did my workout yesterday, I wanted to cry. Push-ups were a nightmare, and I could hardly lift my arms to do jumping jacks. I’m dreading today, but I refuse to take a break. Sitting at my desk for any extended period of time also doesn’t help. When I get up, I almost fall over.

Feeling this way just makes me so sad, but at least I’m not alone this time. It’s nice to bitch and moan with someone about how much we hate the stairs in our house, or argue about who is more sore and should take the dog out. Misery does indeed love company.