Operation Maintenance

I’m failing. Well, to say I’m failing would indicate that I’m actually trying to do something to accomplish a goal right now, so I guess that isn’t the case. I’m just plain being bad and I’m not even trying. I have fallen back into my old ways of not exercising, and eating and drinking whatever I please.

I’ve gained a few pounds. Not a shocking discovery this morning as I stepped on the scale, especially after the debauchery of the Thanksgiving weekend. After my general laziness set in around daylight savings time, I decided that I’d just be happy getting through the holidays without gaining any weight. I called it “Operation Maintenance” in my mind. It was working for the most part until this morning after my weigh-in and I had gained nearly three pounds.

I was feeling fine about being a lazy slob as long as I wasn’t gaining any weight, but I guess I have to pull it together and do some work now. I refuse to gain this weight that I worked so hard to lose. But trying to gain momentum right now is such a Catch-22. I have no energy because I have been so lazy and cramming my body full of sugar, and I really need energy to get off my butt and get back into my good patterns and routines.  All I want to do is sleep, it’s pretty sad.

The weirdest thing is that I don’t even feel that bad about myself. Usually I’m hating myself and feeling disgusting, but for some reason I am not in that place. I wish I had more energy, but other than that I don’t really care. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, I don’t enjoy loathing my body and feeling bad about myself, but if I don’t care then how am I going to get motivated to change?

I think maybe I just see it as a lost cause right now. It’s the holidays, I have endless plans, and on top of that, we are spending a week in Las Vegas this December. I know in the back of my mind that I won’t get serious about weight loss until it hits that annual New Year’s resolution time. I am traditionally very successful at weight loss and sticking to a plan from January until June.

I know that’s a piss poor attitude, but that’s where I am right now. So, I’m putting my Operation Maintenance into full effect. My main goal right now is to just survive the holidays with as little weight gain as possible. I will exercise sporadically, the scale scared me enough to want to go for a run later today, but I know I won’t be completing any insanity workout programs right now.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am a work in progress. This year is teaching me about my weak points and how to prepare for them in the future.  My goal for 2016 is going to be simple – to just do better.


Week 43 & 44: No Excuses November!

I have been having a hard time lately staying motivated. I quit Insanity during my 4th week and was not able to bring myself to pick it back up. While I have been lucky to have not gained more than a pound since falling off the Insanity wagon (a month ago now), I realize that I need to snap out of this bad pattern.

I am so great at making excuses or blaming anything for times like these when I’m just being a lazy slob. I’ve been thinking about it a lot this week. I continue to fail at maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and I have been thinking about what I need to do to change. In the middle of the night as I was laying awake in bed, I was thinking about the real formula that can change my ways. Here’s what I came up to my mind all of a sudden – I call it my Pixie “P-O-W” because it just hit me – Patience, Ownership, and Work.

1. Patience: This process takes time. The weight loss industry is designed for quick fixes, and it’s so tempting to believe that changing a lifestyle is easy and can happen overnight, but that isn’t the reality for most of the population. I’ve been lazier and sedentary for a lot longer than I’ve been trying to be healthy and active. I have a lot more experience at the former. If I can’t find the patience to keep trying to figure out a way to make this work for the rest of my life, then I might as well quit right now. Right now I just want to throw in the towel after feeling so deflated that this program of mine didn’t take me where I wanted to be in 40 weeks, but that’s just how the cookie crumbles and I need to get over it. It will work, I just need patience, and…

2. Ownership: I am this way and it’s completely my fault. I say that I stopped doing the Insanity program during the fourth week because I didn’t have the time to work out that week, and then it snowballed and I couldn’t get back into it. That’s bull crap. The reality is that I could have found the time to work out if I really wanted to do it. I could have woken up earlier to do it, or watched less TV that night. I could have made the time, and I chose not to do that. Even if I couldn’t have found an extra hour in my day, I could have done some form of exercise as an alternative. It’s all a choice and I am currently choosing not to live that way. I need to take ownership of that and stop making excuses and blaming this on anyone or anything but myself. So, now that I realize that making this change is completely within my own power, the next step is:

3. Work: Losing weight, being healthy, exercise, cooking, planning, making smart choices – these things take work. Changing the way you are in any form takes work and discipline. If I’m not willing to work at it, then it won’t happen. For example, I magically expect this extra 20 pounds to come off in the same way as the first 20 pounds that I lost, but the fact is that I need to work harder at it. It’s not coming off because I’m choosing too often to be lazy about all of it – whether it’s working out, not working out hard enough and giving it all I have, not tracking my calories, or things of that nature.

So that’s my current mantra – Patience, Ownership and Work. P-O-W right in the kisser! I can either do it or not do it, it’s my choice. I know what I need to do, no one is stopping me except for myself. So as I sit here on a Tuesday night, will I choose to go work hard at being healthy tonight? Will I take control, go put on those work out clothes and put in some hard work to take that small step on a long road to making a change? Sure, I won’t notice any difference for a long time, but if I’m patient and keep at it, then it will all come together for long term results.

Well, here goes nothing. No excuses November has begun!