I’m failing. Well, to say I’m failing would indicate that I’m actually trying to do something to accomplish a goal right now, so I guess that isn’t the case. I’m just plain being bad and I’m not even trying. I have fallen back into my old ways of not exercising, and eating and drinking whatever I please.
I’ve gained a few pounds. Not a shocking discovery this morning as I stepped on the scale, especially after the debauchery of the Thanksgiving weekend. After my general laziness set in around daylight savings time, I decided that I’d just be happy getting through the holidays without gaining any weight. I called it “Operation Maintenance” in my mind. It was working for the most part until this morning after my weigh-in and I had gained nearly three pounds.
I was feeling fine about being a lazy slob as long as I wasn’t gaining any weight, but I guess I have to pull it together and do some work now. I refuse to gain this weight that I worked so hard to lose. But trying to gain momentum right now is such a Catch-22. I have no energy because I have been so lazy and cramming my body full of sugar, and I really need energy to get off my butt and get back into my good patterns and routines. All I want to do is sleep, it’s pretty sad.
The weirdest thing is that I don’t even feel that bad about myself. Usually I’m hating myself and feeling disgusting, but for some reason I am not in that place. I wish I had more energy, but other than that I don’t really care. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, I don’t enjoy loathing my body and feeling bad about myself, but if I don’t care then how am I going to get motivated to change?
I think maybe I just see it as a lost cause right now. It’s the holidays, I have endless plans, and on top of that, we are spending a week in Las Vegas this December. I know in the back of my mind that I won’t get serious about weight loss until it hits that annual New Year’s resolution time. I am traditionally very successful at weight loss and sticking to a plan from January until June.
I know that’s a piss poor attitude, but that’s where I am right now. So, I’m putting my Operation Maintenance into full effect. My main goal right now is to just survive the holidays with as little weight gain as possible. I will exercise sporadically, the scale scared me enough to want to go for a run later today, but I know I won’t be completing any insanity workout programs right now.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am a work in progress. This year is teaching me about my weak points and how to prepare for them in the future. My goal for 2016 is going to be simple – to just do better.