BodyShred Week 1

I completed my first week of Jillian Michael’s Bodyshred, and I’m more than halfway through the second week. The first 2 weeks you do three different DVDs twice a week, and then move onto a more advanced level on week 3. I was really nervous about starting this program, I had been frantically searching the internet for encouraging reviews of the program by someone at my fitness level. Seems like everything I came across had been a review by a really fit person, or someone that had previously completed Jillian’s Body Revolution program. It had me really worried.  I’m much less than fit, and I have not done Body Revolution. I have completed her 30-Day Shred, but that is somewhat introductory, and some of the moves in that program are difficult for me. Then I watched the BodyShred “Learn the Moves” DVD and I got even more worried.

Well, so far, I am doing well with the DVDs at my fitness level. But, I am really thankful I prepped for this program with the 30 Day Shred. Right now, I cannot do some of the BodyShred moves without modifying them. I have to do the push-ups on my knees, which bums me out. I did a 30 Day Arm Challenge in addition to the 30 Day Shred specifically to prepare myself to do full push-ups, but Jillian’s BodyShred push-ups are not the “regular” plain old-fashioned push-ups. You’re either doing tricep push-ups, wide push-ups, or uneven push-ups in this first level, and I’m sure it gets harder from this point. I can do a few, but that’s about it, and I feel like the I get more bang for my buck just doing them on my knees than transitioning from one to the other. They are only 30 second intervals, and transitioning takes up valuable time.

One of the other moves I’m having issues with are these Twisting Camels. You are suppose to hold your weights up with your arms extended over your head, while you are on your knees, and twist backwards, bringing the weight to touch the sole of your shoe. I can’t do them with weights, when I try my arms make a very unpleasant pop. I assume that isn’t good, so I’ve been doing them without the weights. They are still challenging, don’t get me wrong. There’s a few other moves I cannot do without modifying, but I won’t get into it. I could go on and on about my feelings on Donkey Kicks.

So, if I had a complaint about the program so far, it would be that it’s probably not designed for someone at my fitness level. They say it’s fine to modify the moves if you are at a beginner level, but next week we are already moving onto a new level, so there’s really no time to improve. I suppose I could do this current level longer to work on mastering some of the moves, but I really want to do the program as it is designed, at least for the first time. I’m just going to continue to modify as needed, and keep moving forward. I realize I’m not going to be ripped when this is over after 8 weeks, but that’s OK, anything I do will be an improvement from where I started.

If I had another gripe, and I wouldn’t even count this, but when will these fitness experts cast a “normal” looking person? These trainers doing BodyShred seem really nice, but they are SUPER FIT, with bodies of Greek gods. They didn’t get those muscles doing BodyShred. Seeing just one token chubby person in the cast wouldn’t be the end of the world – give me someone I can relate to for a change of pace.

All and all, my first week of BodyShred, plus modifying my eating plan to include snacks, resulted in a 1 pound weight loss. I have high hopes for this week though, I have that feeling of “thinness” so maybe I will lose 2 pounds (crossing my fingers..). I’m told I should be happy with a 1 lb loss, so I’m trying to be positive.  If I was working this hard in my 20s, I would have lost all my weight ages ago. It’s as if someone just pressed a shut-off button on my metabolism the second I turned 40, and it gets depressing. I don’t feel any older than I did in my 20s, so why can’t my body go along with my brain.

I haven’t added in my extra cardio of running twice a week, not yet anyway. I was actually thinking of starting today, it’s a rare beautiful “winter” day in New England with record highs (70+ degrees!). Seems like a great day to try running again. I know I will need to start off with walking/running combo, but I’m still nervous. Sometimes I tend to push myself too much without realizing it until later, and I worry about injuries. I don’t want anything stopping me from completing BodyShred. I’m determined to play it safe, and not train stupid this time. I have these 2 5k’s in May and I need to start well in advance so I’m not cramming in runs at the last minute, like my typical idiot self.

I’m going to keep plugging away with my program for now, and hope for the best. Can’t wait to see where the next level brings me. Onward!


Ready to Shred

I worked my butt off in February to disappointing results. I lost a total of 3 pounds. I had hoped for a total of 5-6, but it didn’t happen. I wish I had taken my measurements when I started because I do feel slimmer. My belt is another 2 notches looser, so I know the scale is not showing the entire story.

The biggest success of the last month is my new routine. I didn’t skip any workouts, and doing them every day didn’t feel like torture. I attribute this turn of events to establishing a routine where I get up earlier and work out first thing in the morning. I went a few days in the past month where I may have slept  about 20-30 minutes later than I should have, but I still woke up, got dressed and worked out before I started my day. It’s lucky I have the luxury of working at home because I wouldn’t be able to get away with that if I had to commute to an office. But, I still work set hours during the day, and when I slept a little later it did throw my schedule off, so I’m trying hard to not slip into that type of bad pattern. It’s a hard transition to becoming more of a morning person, but it’s going pretty well. The idea of working out at night has become completely unappealing to me now. I can’t imagine going back to that routine.

I will admit my big idea of going for a 30-minute afternoon walk everyday did not last for more than about two weeks. I wasn’t really enjoying it, and it was hard to step away from my office in the middle of the day. I still think I need to move around more in general, so this month I am going to try going for a 3 mile run on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the end of my workday, in addition to my morning workouts. I am hoping this additional cardio will help boost my weight loss results for March. I also signed up for two 5k races in May to help motivate me to actually complete these runs on a weekly basis.

I completed my Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred program last week along with a 30-day arm challenge, so I’m now in “Phase 2” of my workout plan. Yesterday I started the Jillian Michaels BodyShred program. It’s 6 days a week, so same schedule that I have been doing. Although she claims these workouts are only 30 minutes, but they are slightly longer, about 35-40 minutes. So, I can’t be hitting that snooze button anymore, I am going to need that extra time. These workouts are really tough, but hopefully I’ve prepped enough to get me through it, at least with modifying some of the exercises. I watched the “Learn the Moves” DVD over the weekend, and it was pretty scary. If I can do even a few of the moves I saw on that DVD by the end of this program without modifying them, I will call that a win.

I had been scratching my head last week as to why I keep struggling to see results on the scale, so I talked to my friend, a dietitian, about my eating plan. I feel like I am doing everything right – eating healthy food within 1500 calories, extremely limiting any processed foods, working out all the time – but that scale just isn’t budging. I was eating 3 meals a day, and she recommended switching that to 5-6 smaller meals, by adding in 2 snacks during the day. I feel like it’s hard to eat all day long, but I’m giving it a try. Eating 5-6 small meals a day is not a new idea for me, and I have been resistant because I feel it’s not sustainable for me. I’ve done this in the past to a lot of success, but then I always go back to my regular 3 meals a day eating schedule. She told me that it doesn’t need to be that difficult. I don’t have to prepare a bunch of homemade snacks (which is what I did in the past), I could just eat a piece of fruit and cheese stick, or something along those lines, and eat a smaller dinner. I’m going to give it a try and see what happens.

I took all my measurements yesterday before I started BodyShred, and I will report my results at the end of the 8 week program. If I don’t see results on the scale this month, I am really going to be at a complete loss. I’m doing much more challenging workouts now, plus adding more cardio, and changing up the eating plan to 5-6 small meals a day.

I’m ready to be shredded!

Thoughts into Action

January got off to a rocky start. I started with this big shot attitude to come out of the gate full blast, but I quickly got a reality check. I hadn’t worked out for almost three months, and I thought I could jump right into Jillian Michael’s BodyShred.

Well, that didn’t work out very well. I got through a week of the program, and I had gained weight. I could have lived with that and kept going, but I really felt as if the program wasn’t going to work for me at my current fitness level. I was probably only able to do about 50% of the moves, and I hate feeling like I’m wasting my time. I stopped BodyShred and decided that I would scale it back to the more introductory program of Jillian’s 30-Day Shred before attempting the more advanced version.

Once I made that decision after week 1, that next two weeks of January didn’t get much better. I have always worked out at night, and life just got in the way (again) and interfered with my evening workouts. The 30-Day Shred is a simple program, but you need to do it everyday if you want to see any benefit. Over that two weeks, I probably completed about 3 workouts a week. It wasn’t just “stuff” getting in the way, a few times I skipped because I was being lazy. I have all these big ideas and great thoughts in my head to work out and be super healthy, but when it comes to putting them into action, I was failing.

I hate working out. I have never enjoyed it.  Every night it was becoming this mental struggle to psyche myself up to get it done. I would change into my workout clothes and sometimes I would putter around for 45 minutes procrastinating before I would just do it. Not only that, but it put me in a bad mood. I knew this was not going to work for me long term, and it’s one of the big reasons I typically quit exercising for months at a time. Exercise needs to become a routine just like anything else I accomplish daily if I am going to succeed at this becoming a lifestyle.

In the spirit of doing things completely different than I did them last year, I  decided it was time to become a morning person. Anyone that knows me would laugh at that comment. I am anything but a morning person. I’ve always been the person that rolled into the office around 9:30, I love to sleep really late on the weekends, and I think of 6AM as the middle of the night.

On the third week of January, I started to get up an hour earlier to work out, and I restarted the 30-Day Shred. My husband thought I’d only make it to Wednesday of that week getting up earlier, but I made it through the whole week, and got up again this morning. I really LOVE it! What a difference it makes to get that workout done before the day officially begins. It opens up my whole evening, and I’m in a great mood all day knowing I don’t have that workout hanging over my head. Plus, in the morning, I’m on a limited time frame to accomplish the workout, so there’s no time to procrastinate. I have to get up and just get it done. I’m not pinning any medals on myself yet as I have tried this morning routine before and failed, but this time, so far, I haven’t been having any problems.

I move onto Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred this week, and assuming I can keep this up, I will be done with it on February 26th. I take a rest day on Saturdays, so it takes me longer than 30 days. I’ve also been doing a 30-Day Arm Challenge with my Shred workout because I really want to be able to do full push-ups (not on my knees) when I move onto BodyShred. On February 28th, I will start BodyShred again, which will take eight weeks, and then I will move onto Insanity.

In addition to my morning workouts, I decided it would be good for me to move around more during the day in general. Since I work at home, I don’t get outside that much, and I only move from room to room. I figure the “average” office worker is pretty sedentary in general sitting at a desk all day, but I would guess without the benefit of a commute or large office setting, I am probably below that average. For now, I am trying to go for a 30-minute walk at lunch from Monday-Friday. So far, the Boston area weather has been very cooperative in my efforts to get outside, and I was able to get a daily walk in all last week.

Strangely enough, it has been mentally harder to accomplish the daily walk than it has been to get up earlier for my workout. Once I’m working, it’s hard to step away and get outside. It has also been cold, but I’m trying not to use that as an excuse. If I had to leave the house to get to an office every day, I would be out in the cold, so I need to suck it up.

Even with my rocky start, I was able to lose 4 pounds in January. I’m grateful for that, and I’m pushing forward. I want to lose 6 in February. I am feeling very positive about my new routine, and I strongly believe it’s sustainable.

I finally feel I am able to turn my thoughts into action. I’m ready to work!

2015 in Review: Not Good Enough!

Last New Year’s Eve, I opened a fortune cookie and it read, “It could be better, but it’s good enough.” I still have it on my refrigerator because I found it so amusing. But I will admit, as I reflect upon the past year, that fortune pretty much hit the mark.

I started this blog a year ago with the goal of losing 40 pounds in 40 weeks. After the 40 weeks was up in October, I had lost 24 pounds. I wasn’t happy; I know I could have worked harder to achieve better results, but I figured it was good enough. I know I could have been working out harder, been more mindful of my calorie intake, and in general adopt a more active lifestyle. But no, I settled for doing the basics to lose a respectful amount of weight, and as a result, here I am today.

I became complacent and lazy. I can’t pinpoint yet why I just decided to stop altogether after the 40 weeks, but it happened. The holidays hit and I was enjoying my laziness and the scale was only creeping up, it wasn’t out of control. A pound or 2 didn’t seem that bad, but then it got worse in December. Since late October, I have gained back 11 pounds. On the bright side, I’m still 13 pounds lighter than I was this time last year, but something needs to change. I need to be better.

I take ownership of my laziness and weight gain, and I can’t go back in time to change it. All I can do is move forward and work hard. I need to become more invested in myself and my success. I’m going all-in for 2016.

For starters, I received Jillian Michael’s BodyShred for a Christmas gift. It’s an 8 week program, 6 days a week, and today I’m on day 4. I’m pretty sore after my exercise hiatus. I could barely walk up the stairs in my house the last 2 days, but feeling better today and nothing is going to derail me from completing this program. After this, I am going back to  my personal version of a white whale, Insanity. I only made it through a month last year, and I will start and finish it this time if it kills me.

I was going to start off with an easier workout program to work my way up into BodyShred, but I’m trying to really push myself this year to work out harder. Everything I do this year is going to be kicked up a few notches.

I’m also going to be changing my eating habits.  Instead of my usual bowl of corn flakes in the morning, I’m making breakfast smoothies with fresh ingredients in hopes of boosting my energy levels and lowering my reliance on processed foods. Instead of my Boca chicken patty sandwich for lunch, I’m going to be making healthy protein-packed salads.

Along with changing up my food habits, I am seriously working on my time management. It’s a big issue for me, and  lot of my problems with working out or making “real food” meals has stemmed from lack of time. I have the time, I just don’t manage it very well.

I think the big success of 2015 was a realization of where my problem areas reside in my life. I have a much better understanding of my weaknesses now and I can create a plan to take them on for 2016.

So, to sum up, that 2015 fortune cookie can bite me! It can be better, and it will be better. I’m not settling for good enough!

Operation Maintenance

I’m failing. Well, to say I’m failing would indicate that I’m actually trying to do something to accomplish a goal right now, so I guess that isn’t the case. I’m just plain being bad and I’m not even trying. I have fallen back into my old ways of not exercising, and eating and drinking whatever I please.

I’ve gained a few pounds. Not a shocking discovery this morning as I stepped on the scale, especially after the debauchery of the Thanksgiving weekend. After my general laziness set in around daylight savings time, I decided that I’d just be happy getting through the holidays without gaining any weight. I called it “Operation Maintenance” in my mind. It was working for the most part until this morning after my weigh-in and I had gained nearly three pounds.

I was feeling fine about being a lazy slob as long as I wasn’t gaining any weight, but I guess I have to pull it together and do some work now. I refuse to gain this weight that I worked so hard to lose. But trying to gain momentum right now is such a Catch-22. I have no energy because I have been so lazy and cramming my body full of sugar, and I really need energy to get off my butt and get back into my good patterns and routines.  All I want to do is sleep, it’s pretty sad.

The weirdest thing is that I don’t even feel that bad about myself. Usually I’m hating myself and feeling disgusting, but for some reason I am not in that place. I wish I had more energy, but other than that I don’t really care. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, I don’t enjoy loathing my body and feeling bad about myself, but if I don’t care then how am I going to get motivated to change?

I think maybe I just see it as a lost cause right now. It’s the holidays, I have endless plans, and on top of that, we are spending a week in Las Vegas this December. I know in the back of my mind that I won’t get serious about weight loss until it hits that annual New Year’s resolution time. I am traditionally very successful at weight loss and sticking to a plan from January until June.

I know that’s a piss poor attitude, but that’s where I am right now. So, I’m putting my Operation Maintenance into full effect. My main goal right now is to just survive the holidays with as little weight gain as possible. I will exercise sporadically, the scale scared me enough to want to go for a run later today, but I know I won’t be completing any insanity workout programs right now.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am a work in progress. This year is teaching me about my weak points and how to prepare for them in the future.  My goal for 2016 is going to be simple – to just do better.

Week 43 & 44: No Excuses November!

I have been having a hard time lately staying motivated. I quit Insanity during my 4th week and was not able to bring myself to pick it back up. While I have been lucky to have not gained more than a pound since falling off the Insanity wagon (a month ago now), I realize that I need to snap out of this bad pattern.

I am so great at making excuses or blaming anything for times like these when I’m just being a lazy slob. I’ve been thinking about it a lot this week. I continue to fail at maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and I have been thinking about what I need to do to change. In the middle of the night as I was laying awake in bed, I was thinking about the real formula that can change my ways. Here’s what I came up to my mind all of a sudden – I call it my Pixie “P-O-W” because it just hit me – Patience, Ownership, and Work.

1. Patience: This process takes time. The weight loss industry is designed for quick fixes, and it’s so tempting to believe that changing a lifestyle is easy and can happen overnight, but that isn’t the reality for most of the population. I’ve been lazier and sedentary for a lot longer than I’ve been trying to be healthy and active. I have a lot more experience at the former. If I can’t find the patience to keep trying to figure out a way to make this work for the rest of my life, then I might as well quit right now. Right now I just want to throw in the towel after feeling so deflated that this program of mine didn’t take me where I wanted to be in 40 weeks, but that’s just how the cookie crumbles and I need to get over it. It will work, I just need patience, and…

2. Ownership: I am this way and it’s completely my fault. I say that I stopped doing the Insanity program during the fourth week because I didn’t have the time to work out that week, and then it snowballed and I couldn’t get back into it. That’s bull crap. The reality is that I could have found the time to work out if I really wanted to do it. I could have woken up earlier to do it, or watched less TV that night. I could have made the time, and I chose not to do that. Even if I couldn’t have found an extra hour in my day, I could have done some form of exercise as an alternative. It’s all a choice and I am currently choosing not to live that way. I need to take ownership of that and stop making excuses and blaming this on anyone or anything but myself. So, now that I realize that making this change is completely within my own power, the next step is:

3. Work: Losing weight, being healthy, exercise, cooking, planning, making smart choices – these things take work. Changing the way you are in any form takes work and discipline. If I’m not willing to work at it, then it won’t happen. For example, I magically expect this extra 20 pounds to come off in the same way as the first 20 pounds that I lost, but the fact is that I need to work harder at it. It’s not coming off because I’m choosing too often to be lazy about all of it – whether it’s working out, not working out hard enough and giving it all I have, not tracking my calories, or things of that nature.

So that’s my current mantra – Patience, Ownership and Work. P-O-W right in the kisser! I can either do it or not do it, it’s my choice. I know what I need to do, no one is stopping me except for myself. So as I sit here on a Tuesday night, will I choose to go work hard at being healthy tonight? Will I take control, go put on those work out clothes and put in some hard work to take that small step on a long road to making a change? Sure, I won’t notice any difference for a long time, but if I’m patient and keep at it, then it will all come together for long term results.

Well, here goes nothing. No excuses November has begun!

Week 41 & 42: No More Excuses

I have to admit I’ve fallen off the Insanity workout program. I got consumed by a project that took over a lot of my personal time, and it caused me to skip a few workouts in my 4th week of the program (now 2 weeks ago). Pretty much the only thing that was keeping me going forward with Insanity was the fact that I hadn’t skipped any workouts. My motivation came from my time investment in those insane workouts, and not wanting all that to go to waste. Well, life unfortunately got in the way and I didn’t really have a choice.

At least I didn’t have a choice that week, this past week I was just plain lazy. I am struggling to get back into the program. I hate skipping workouts, it always sets me on a bad path like this, and deflates me. I get reminded how weak I am and how easy it is to fall back into my old ways. Plus, it’s a lot more fun to be lazy. It’s so damn tempting. Maybe one of these days I’ll turn into a person that loves working out, but for now, it’s still a struggle every time to get it done.

In an effort to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward, I did one of the Insanity workouts on Sunday. It was brutal. I started out great, and was feeling quite cocky as I breezed through the first half thinking how the break I took didn’t do any damage. I was kidding myself. By the end, I was sprawled out on the floor in a sweaty mess, pushing the pause button, and wanting to cry. After that, I really don’t want to go back to it. I skipped yesterday’s routine and I’m just getting further and further away from being able to pick it back up from where I left off.

I really want to do this program and finish it before the end of the year. It’s like my white whale. This nonsense stops today. Sure, I skipped it yesterday, but that has nothing to do with today. I decided to restart it from the first week. As much as I hate the idea of prolonging the program, I think that’s the only way I can get through it. I’ll only feel a sense of accomplishment if I know I did the program as it was intended, and that does not include a two week break in the middle of it. It’s only Tuesday, I can still make the most of this week.

This is a bad time of year for my waistline, and I can’t allow myself to fall into a hole of laziness. There are so many temptations coming up – Halloween, Thanksgiving, holiday vacations, and then the actual holidays. I gained so much weight during this time last year. I need to exercise, and have a stable routine if I’m going to make it through this time without any damage to all my hard work. I know all too well that I can gain weight at the drop of a pin. Just maintaining my weight takes a lot of work, not to mention trying to actually lose it.

It’s time to get to work. Fight the lazy. No more excuses!

Week 40: Time’s Up! Well, Not Really..

This past Sunday was my “official” deadline for my 40-in-40 weeks weight loss program, and it came and went without any fan fair. I’m not throwing any parties because it’s far from over for this Plump Pixie. I think back to when I started this whole journey and came up with this time frame and weight loss goal, both arbitrary numbers in reality, but I recall thinking it was such a long time. Time really flies when you’re having all this fun.

I thought it was more than enough time to lose 40 pounds, and figured  I would have ended up losing more weight because it was such a long span of time. Geez, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I know I could have lost all the weight if I had taken more drastic measures, such as deprivation through some strict novelty diet program. But, I stuck to my guns, and continue to stick to them in my strong belief that weight needs to come off using methods that you can continue to uphold forever. For me, that’s a pretty simple method – a healthy diet, portion control, and exercise. Everything in moderation. If I want a cupcake at a party, I’m going to eat it. No extremes for me anymore.

The weight is coming off, just very slowly. That’s fine by me, I have time. My total for the 40 weeks came in at 24 pounds. I lost 23 of those in the first half of my program. The last 20 weeks have been a struggle to find a new balance, but I feel I am on a good track. In the last 2 weeks, I’ve lost 4 pounds with my new Insanity workouts, and I’m hoping that number continues to rise. I feel much stronger. For now, things are going well.

More importantly, these 40 weeks have reshaped my whole attitude about health and wellness. In the past I was always looking for a quick fix, and truly believed it was just a matter of weight. If I could lose it and see a low number staring back at me on the scale, then everything else would be fine. That somehow, if I got to a certain number, I’d magically turn into a different person. I’m not completely of a different mindset now – that stupid number on the scale still means a great deal to me, but I understand there’s a lot more to it. Just losing the weight isn’t enough anymore, I need to fill the void that was previously filled with being lazy, eating and drinking.

It takes a long time to completely change your life, especially to reshape it to one that you can live with forever and be happy. So, I am still going to work at it, and continue to blog week to week. I know the right mix exists for a new life formula, and I will find it.

I have yet to earn my wings, but I’ll get there!

Week 39: Fueled by Aggravation

Last week I mentioned I was in a fighting mood to go to battle with my scale, and this week I’m out for blood. It had the nerve to tell me that I gained a pound!

Seriously, I have been killing myself doing these Insanity workouts. I was so sick this past Friday that I couldn’t work, that but I still managed to get in my six Insanity workouts for the week. I feel like I’m going to be the only person on Earth that will gain weight doing Insanity.

I did my second Fit Test on Sunday. I’m suppose to do it every 2 weeks and see how I improve as part of the program. You do a series of eight exercises and do as many as you can. I improved from my initial test, except in one exercise (Switch Kicks), but I think I might have counted wrong on that move the first time around, so I am not going to dwell on it.

I’m so aggravated and frustrated, but I refuse to give up. I’m so close to doing some crazy diet plan, but I really don’t want to go there. I know an eating plan such as the Six Week Body Makeover, which I have done in the past, will result in weight loss, but it’s not sustainable. At least it isn’t for me. Still, I keep looking at my numbers from week to week and thinking I need to do something different to boost my metabolism. This clearly isn’t working. Since I’m working out consistently, and working pretty darn hard too, then the problem must be with my diet.

I don’t eat unhealthy, as I’ve said in the past, but maybe it’s the foods I’m eating. I don’t overeat, so it has to be the actual foods,  right? Maybe I’m not eating enough – I just don’t know.

The scale just stopped showing me any results, and it’s been the same way for awhile. I see a one pound loss this week, a gain the next week, 2 pounds down, 2 pounds up..the fact is I’m not losing weight. I’ve been hovering around this same weight since May. My consistent losses just stopped after I lost twenty pounds. On the bright side, I have successfully been able to maintain my weight, but I still need to lose another 20 pounds (at least!). I’m not trying to be some super skinny minny either. When I got married, I was 40 pounds less than I am right now. I’m not shooting for my ultra slim twenty-something self, I just want to be a normal and sustainable weight.

Perhaps next week I will try the Six Week Body Makeover. It’s a difficult plan, you have to eat 5-6 times a day, and the foods are very limiting. Absolutely nothing processed is allowed, not even salad dressing or olive oil. Basically no salt at all, aside from salt that is in food naturally. You need to be really prepared in advance for eating on this plan, and prep your meals way ahead of time. And I find  it’s hard to find creative meals you actually want to eat that are flavorful. When I did this plan once before, and I look back at myself as a crazy person. I carried steak and chicken in my purse during the day so I wouldn’t skip a snack, and I’d be up on Sunday morning making these mock pancakes, but trust me, they weren’t pancakes – just plain oatmeal, egg whites, and frozen blueberries. Yuck.

I don’t want to do it, but I’m starting to see no alternative. Simply counting calories and exercise isn’t working anymore. Let’s see – if I started it on Sunday, then six weeks would end on November 14th. I’m not sure I’d go whole hog with the program, I want to actually have a life. As I look at the calendar right now, I see we have something going on every weekend for the next six weeks – we are throwing a party the first weekend, the following weekend is a dinner with friends, the weekend after that we were going to be away in Cape Cod, and then Halloween the weekend after that. All these temptations before the holidays even hit – it’s always something.

I’m just rambling. I’m lost and confused, and not really sure what path to take next. Maybe I’ll switch up my eating plan, maybe I won’t. For now, I’m just going to try to get through this week. Eating clean and continuing with my Insanity program. Who knows, maybe something will change. Right now, I’m just running on fumes from aggravation.

Week 38: Fighting Mood

I’m in this to win it. I decided the other day that getting in shape is going to be my new hobby. Simply because I’m angry and I’m in the mood to fight my body. I finished my first week of the Insanity program on Friday, and at my weigh-in this weekend, what did I lose? One minuscule, sad little pound. I was dying all week getting through those well-named ‘insane’ workouts, I didn’t eat or drink anything fun, and then one pound. While I’m happy that the scale moved at all, I was definitely expecting more.

I’m a week and a half into Insanity now, and it’s really tough. On some level, I don’t think it’s the best workout for me at this stage because I can barely keep up with the exercises. If I’m taking constant breaks, then I feel as if I’m not getting much out of it. If I’m going to workout for 40-60 minutes a day, then I want to get the most out of that time. But, I know I’m doing something, I’ve never sweat this much in my life, and I need something that is going to push me to be better. You take a “Fit Test” at the beginning of the program and track how many of certain exercises you can do, and you take this test every two weeks. I will be taking my second Fit Test this weekend, and I can’t wait to see if I have improved.

I do feel better overall since starting Insanity, in just this short period of time. My core area feels tighter, even though it’s still covered in flab! I’m walking up the stairs in my house without any pain this week, so that’s something. Despite the fact I can’t keep up with the exercises, I am just going to continue to do what I can and try to keep moving the entire time, even if it’s at a snail’s pace at some points.

It’s also the first workout I’ve ever done that I want to practice certain exercises outside of my regular workout times in order to improve. For example, they do several circuits that involve full blown push-ups, and they do them extremely quick as part of a series of different moves. I can do a few push-ups (and I mean a few – like 3 total..) but admittedly I usually do the girly push-ups on my knees. The way they do the push-ups in Insanity, it’s difficult to substitute with the girly ones. It causes me to be way behind, and I can’t easily transition to the other moves before and after the push-ups. Basically, I need to be able to do the full push-ups. This has me wanting to practice my push-ups on my “off hours.” I guess any workout that has me wanting to work out more can’t be a bad thing.

For now, I’m trying to think of the rest of the weight I want to lose in short term goals. I know my end goal has me losing another 19 pounds, but for right now I’m just focusing on the next five. I have another three weeks before my 40 weeks is up, and although I know it’s impossible to reach my original 40-pounds-in-40-weeks goal, I would like to lose another five pounds. If I do that, I’ll have reached a milestone. I’ll be at the weight I was before we moved back to New England from Florida (2.5 years ago), which was before a stressful time in my life. If I can lose that five pounds, it will feel mentally as if a much larger weight has lifted. After that, it will be another milestone to reach, but for now that’s where I’m going to focus. Five pounds in three weeks? We will see, but as I said I’m in a fighting mood!

And I need to keep fighting, this fat layer on my body is not going to win. I have a closet full of clothes that need me, and I won’t give up on them!